亲爱的你,

亲爱的你,

怎么办, 看见如此的你, 泪水会不知不觉地滑落.

亲爱的你,

原谅我的无能为力.

亲爱的你,

我心很疼.

亲爱的你,

不要离我而去.

亲爱的你…………..

dear ah gong - day 24

阿公,

不知不觉您以离去了24天, 生活里没多大的改变, 但内心深处却少了些东西, 多了些遗憾.... 阿公, 原来我没那么的气您, 原来我是如此的尊敬您, 如此的怀念您.. 过年快到了, 想起了您以准备了过年衣, 也如果这一切没发生的话, 您现在应该忙着做年饼了吧.. 写道这, 泪水已不停的滑落, 应为我已好多年没吃您做的饼, 而现在我想吃也没得吃了.... 阿公, 我真的觉得我是个不孝女, 我真的很对不起您, 很想在您面前跪下, 跟您道歉....

心里还有很多很多想对您说的话, 但我真的写不下去了, 鼻子都塞住了..

不孝孙女,
燕笔

working life..

haiz.. works never done.........

dear ah gong - day 6

forgotten that ah gong don't know english, so i shall write in chinese.. hehe..

亲爱的阿公，

我听到了一些故事， 我心很疼.....
请您，保佑他...
抱歉，在您离开后，还是要拜托您....

亲爱的阿公，
幸福离我有多远？

dear ah gong - day 5

dear ah gong,

how are u doing up there? it had been five days since u move to the new place.. are u looking at us from up there? do u like the house and the old mercedes that u used to drive years ago? is the new boy and girl treating u good? or u already pass the bridge and drank the soup and forget bout us?

after four days of your big day, finally today everyone get to have a rest... home is so quiet today.. no one talk, the only voice we can hear is from the electronic media..  i think u should know the reason of it..

ah gong,

im sorry.....

this is what i feel now..

MEAN PEOPLE SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!

SARCASTIC PEOPLE F**K!!!! 

damn shit.. still not enough to express myself.. 

currently in deep shit depression and worries.. 

dear ah gong,

everyone wishing you rest in peace but

the selfishly me hope that u are still around to worry bout us.. 

i truly, deeply, madly missing you right now.. 

although you are not around, your spirit will still be around.. 

although im not close to you, you will still live in my heart..

please be okay..

i thought u are tough..
i thought u will be okay..
i pray for u to be okay..
i hope u can be okay..
i want u to be okay..
please be okay..
after all u been through, don't suffered for nothing..
please be okay..
i know u are tough and strong..
please don't leave like this..
please...........

What are you worrying about?

a really nice song to share... from sodagreen..

【詞曲/吳青峰　導演/陳奕仁　VFX/仙草影像】


沒有不會謝的花
there's no flower that never dies‭ ‬
沒有不會退的浪
there's no‭ ‬tide that's always high
沒有不會暗的光
there's no light that always shines
你在煩惱什麼嗎
what's the trouble‭ ‬on‭ ‬your mind


沒有不會淡的疤
there's no scar that never fades
沒有不會好的傷
there's no wound‭ ‬that always stays
沒有不會停下來的絕望
there's no desperation‭ ‬that‭ ‬won't go away
你在憂鬱什麼啊
so why‭ ‬the sadness on your face


時間從來不回答
Time‭ ‬goes by without a trace‭ ‬
生命從來不喧嘩
Life‭ ‬goes on without fanfare
就算只有片刻‭ ‬我也不害怕
Don't be afraid of any moment‭ ‬that you‭ ‬have
是片刻組成永恆哪
Life goes on and on and on


片刻組成永恆哪
On and on and on and on

怎么办.....

怎么办，当一个人走到绝路的时候该怎么办？

上天会仁慈点让人有呼吸的空间，或是现实会残酷点雪上加霜? 

我觉得是后者... 

现实不停的向我施压，搞得我觉得活着是充满无奈，无助与累...

如果努力与坚持的结果是如此的不堪，那当初为何，为何天真的认为一切会过去的，船到桥头自然直呢？ 

实事并不如此啊，船已经撞上了桥，人人遍体鳞伤.... 

前面不知还有多少的暴风雨在等着，怎么办？

Getting ready for Phuket!!!

Finally is this week!!!! Flight on Friday and i'm packing it now, five days in advance.. Not i tak sabar-sabar for the trip, is weekday i will be in BU, so better pack now then i bring it over.. but Tuesday i will still come back home just in case i got anything left out.. hahaha.. 

After so many beach trip, i shall have lots of experience to pack for beach holiday. But this time i really don't know what to bring d.. All the clothes seem to be repetitive.. Yor, apasal i got so little clothes.. Need to back up on my shopping d la.. haiz..

Two hours later....

it's done.. =)

Say hi to my holiday BFF, nike small bag and orange bag.. the best mate ever.. 

Cant wait for Friday... 

OMG, i really love this.

I really love this picture.. it made my day everytime i see it, chase away all the blue blue thing..

the boy is li vee, 2 years old. cute little boy.. easily cheated with food.. i ask him call 'biao yi', he call 'biao yi'.. ask him said 'biao yi hen mei', he will said 'biao yi hen mei' with the food on my hand..

girl girl is jia xuan.. a super intelligent and fast learner.. 4 years old.. her little bro is coming soon.. when the parents is looking for a name for the little bro, she gives idea.. her surname is 'xu', she name her little bro 'xu ge yuan' (make a wish)... so cute..

Happy 80th Birthday Granpa

family pic with grandchildren and great grandchildren.

wish everyone has the greatest in their life and appreciate whatever they have too..

also to promote my handsome cousin.

still single and available. treat me a cha-time, i'll give u his number.. c(:

就是想念着...

心里有个人, 脑子里就充满了思念...

不懂..... 不懂为何数月不见仍然依恋你...

是我低估了你的魅力, 还是高估了我自己...

尘封已久的感觉, 一旦被挖掘就再也收不回了吗?

现实生活见不到你就以为可以慢慢的让感觉逝去..

偏偏梦不作美, 就要参一脚来搅局, 让我不短的掉入谷底..

这样的我, 何时才能无忧无虑, 自由自在呢????

期待...........

Thai thai..

going to thailand later.. im not excited about it as it defeat the initial purpose of me wanting to go and to make thing worse, i need to stuck in the back seat of a car with 3 other person from klang to thailand.. its been a year since my last car trip to johor..

ok, i know, don complain so much.. i will try my best to enjoy this holiday even it will spend lots of money and go for massages... lots of lots of massages..

happy independence day malaysia and selamat hari raya 2011..

last year, august 13th, i post this on facebook..

病好了，不能再撒娇说头疼，没力了。
记得有句话，人生有几天？3 天 ：昨天，今天和明天。
一直的逃避也不是办法，因为今天会是过去，明天总会到来。
一再的明天又明天，只会原地踏步。
有时候在想，原地踏步不好吗？没有不好，但就会跟不上脚步而远远​的被抛在后头，因为世界不断地在进步，也有可能会从原地踏步变成​退步。

开始要为未来打算，为未来拼搏了。真讨厌....

am i improving? i don't know.. i only know i'm pk-ing...

tonight, i missing u, again.....

又想起了你.....

想起了我们相处的时刻， 想起了我自以为是的感觉， 想起了我的自作多情.....

今晚，就让光良品冠的歌声来平复我的心....

----------

胡思乱想

胡思乱想又过了一夜　思念的疑问并没有解决
我又胡乱想过了一夜　情感的东西　是否需要感觉

也许我不知道　我是真不明了　人对情感的渴求　是否那么重要

也许我不知道　你那儿最好　让我情牵忘也忘不了
也许我不知道　你真的那么好　我的思念你又明了多少
我胡思乱想

------------

你真得那么的好吗？ 你对我的思念又明了多少？

你是否知道有个女孩默默的傻傻的思念着你吗？

silent..

i remain silent not because i dont care

i remain silent not because i dont know

i remain silent not because i dont have feeling

i remain silent not because i'm idiot

i remain silent not because i'm caring

i remain silent not because i'm understanding

i remain silent not because i'm deaf and blind

i remain silent not because i'm always all by myself

i remain silent not because i'm okay with it

i remain silent not because i get used to it

i remain silent because i try to be caring

i remain silent because i try to be understanding

i remain silent because i try to be idiot

i remain silent because i try to be deaf and blind

i remain silent because i try to get use to it

i remain silent because i need to be 'all by myself''.......

please handle me with care because im really fragile..

but seems to be no one notice it..

我最亲爱的, 你过得怎么样?

在这夜深人静的夜里竟然想起了你....

我最亲爱的, 你过得怎么样? 我很想知道你的近况, 但我怕... 对于你, 内心里全是恐惧, 你该是我的天堂,我的肩膀, 但如今全都变质了... all by myself 已变我的名言了.... 从前的依赖到现在的独立, 我从新鲜到厌倦到想念; 新鲜于我终于可以独立了, 厌倦于现实的压力, 想念于依赖你的安全感....

阿妹的那首歌已变了我对你的主题曲, 每每听到都想哭....... 看到周围的不幸, 都令我感到害怕, 我已变成了个很情绪化的人, 都是因为你........

当某人告诉我你的近况, 我都叫他停, 我不想懂, 不想知道.....

虽然我想你, 但我害怕你, 更有点的生气你, 再有点的同情你.. 这复杂的情绪, 你懂吗?

this is how i miss u..

Vincent (Starry Starry Night) Lyrics

Starry starry night, paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day with eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills, sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills, in colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for you sanity How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how, perhaps they'll listen now

Starry starry night, flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colors changing hue, morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

Chorus:
For they could not love you, but still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight, on that starry starry night
You took your life as lovers often do,
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Starry, starry night, portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls with eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the stranger that you've met, the ragged man in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose, lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for you sanity How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will.

first interview

i made a stupid mistake during the interview..

the boss asked me : what's your plan when your result is out?

answered : to be honest, i want to join the big 4..

=.=

why la i'm so honest? where is all my bluffing skill?

i'm really sad now.. i really like the working environment and the working hours...

god god, please get me the job........

please............ @.@

亲爱的, 哭过就好了...

亲爱的,

尽情地哭吧.. 因为除了哭以外, 朋友们真的无可奈何..

除了陪着你过苦笑不得的日子, 没什么可做了.. 因为我懂劝导是废话..

如果我是你， 此刻的我是：

"不要告诉我,他是如何的无能, 无用, 倒胃, 狼心狗肺, 无情等等,

因为到目前为止我想到的是他的爱, 他的好, 他的美,

而我也只感受到我对他的爱, 想念及不舍和不能和他天长地久的痛..."

"失去了他， 不可惜… 祝福他， 找到了他的最爱， 因为我相信，他也想牵着我的手走一生，但感情是勉强不来， 他既然做了伤害我的选择， 那我希望他没错，别让我的泪白流， 别让我的痛白过.. 开心幸福的过日子，是我报答你这些日子来对我的爱与照顾.. 来生如果有机会遇见了你，请求你，确定了你的感情再来招惹我.."

天不作美， 伟大的’他’希望我尝试更多， 得到更好… 那我也只能默默地等待那天的到来 …

作为朋友，我唯一能做的是， 分享我的经历，陪着你， 听你说，和你一起哭…

朋友是会不离不弃的陪伴你， 但你也要争气的找回原来坚强的你…

哭吧， 尽情地哭吧… 哭了过后， 擦干泪痕， 倔强的告诉自己 ：我不哭了， 明天会更好…

情绪低落....

最近EQ好底哦... 但低的都是伤心的情绪， 怒得不多，就算有都是对陌生人...

努力的让自己开心，但就是有块石头不停的往心里压，压得我心理不平衡...

人生无常， 有时真的希望自己不要活得太老，因为残酷的现实我不欣赏，甜蜜的童话不存在..

眼泪不知不觉地流，是累了，或是泪了？

first time experience...

i went for fishing and prawning yesterday night with simon, cs, ah lua and ji dan!! excited!! fun!!

start fishing on 1am, end on 3am.. caught a tiny little tarapia.. okay, im not the one who caught it, tan jie got it but i'm the one who holding to rod, slowly turned "the dont know what that call".. haha.. and i know how to cast, im so proud of myself.. lol..

the whole 2 hours, we only caught that tiny little less than 200gram fish, everyone was depressed, praying the fish to be greedy but i guess they are too full that night.. lol.. so ching sin suggest we go for prawning..

yes!!!!!!

so prawning from 325 to 525am..

i caught a prawn without my notice.. =)

cs and ah lua did something really bad yesterday night.. no details of it as it is something 'really truly really bad', so i'll just summarize it as we 'caught' 4 big prawn, as big as lobster, or maybe it is lobster.. lol..

that's it.. my first time experience in fishing and prawning.

i think i love it, much more than clubbing.. =)

牙套妹...

就叫我钢牙妹吧!!!!

really very suei!!!

what the hell.. in 6 days, i have been paying extra for nothing for alot of thing!!!! i think i really need to go pray pray d..

friday:

cancel bank draft, charged me 15 pound.. bought new bank draft, another 100pound plus service charge rm7..

reach home check obu, required to pay online!!!! wtf.. i need to cancel another bank draft??????

30 pound and rm7 burned!!!

saturday and sunday:

is a ordinary day not until i find out something on monday!! then only i i realize i paid extra..

the only money i paid is rm9 for parking on sat, rm3 on sun..

monday:

when to pasar pagi to buy breakfast for class from 10am-6pm in kl, then tuition class till 9pm..

brought rm5 out, happily thinking to buy a nasi lemak rm1 and some kuih-muih for another rm2.. so i brought extra money..

'nasi lemak satu'

digging money from jeans pocket.. front pocket, ilek.. back pocket, ilek.. front back left right, ilek!!! wtf, where is my money?? checked my car, nope, gone.. dropped rm5, left rm1 in wallet for nasi lemak.. =(

so, just now i mention sat is ordinary day until i found out something.. PARKING.. with a chop, they will recognise u as student and charge rm3 per entry.. so i paid rm6 extra for saturday hourly charged.. wtf!!!! the chop is freely available for u at the corner to chop it... why i didnt find that out in saturday??

so total lost on monday = rm5 + rm6 = rm11

tuesday:

the day to submit obu... =)

happily go and bind it then send through courier.. paid rm134 for it..

on the way back, read the check list again.. SHIT!! SLS words must more than 1800, mine is only 1700+ words.. omg!!! quickly grab pendrive, go to dhl to take back my obu then wanting to print the front page.. charged me rm3 per colour page, amended 2 pages, rm6.. sent it back to dhl..

later on,

happily chatting in facebook, a friend ask me bout obu..

"Oh ok. They told me that mine also thurs will reach. Hmm. How much DHL charge u? They charge me rm107.20 using student card. Without student card is rm134."

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont wan to calculate my loss d... i only know i need to go and pray now...

梦见了，梦见了，又梦见你了。。。

梦中的你是如此的真实，靠近...

我，着迷了...

封藏依旧的感觉再次被挖了出来，真讨厌啊!!!

it's not a "happy" birthday..

5 years ago, same day same venue, i have you to care and love for me; 5 years later, i learned to love myself more..

today, i'm suppose to spend the day with peace, nothing happen, no cake, no birthday song, no argument, no shouting, no banging door, no nothing... it's just a ordinary day.. but my life don allow me to be this boring, its always dramatic...

when things comes to money, they tends to get ugly... that's reality and that's life.. again to prove "love is more important than bread" is bullshit.. no details of story as i don't want to jot down this unhappy incident.. i just want to say, coming the end of the day, only i know it's not a "happy" birthday..

and also, my wish didn't come true.. no, part of my wish came true but the most important part is still remain as a wish..

although everyone is here for me, but there is always someone missing to fulfill me..

i hate the day call 'birthday'...........

生日....

这应该是2012 年的post ， 但为了不让任何人发现， 改了年份.. =D

好像忘了不过生日的这个习惯， 竟然期待起了要过这么一天。也因为如此让自己的情绪跌入谷底。你怎么会忘了自己的坚持呢？ 笨蛋！开心了吧现在，再次的证明了什么？

teeth extraction..

give me back my teeth!!!

i find life is different when there is a hole between teeth.. what is the different?

• cannot talk fast.. it will 漏风...
• food easily move around when u eat.. (from the back of teeth to front, kinda irritating)
• 24/7 taste blood..
• unintentionally will suck the lips when i breath hardly..
• cannot smile as there is a hole....
• have to jaga-jaga when i brush teeth, scare it will bleed again..

what i hate the most is the eat part.. it's really disgusting as i can't lock the food in the mouth, it will go in and out from the hole or sometimes, stuck there.. =.="

can u see the hole?

it will remain till saturday then both side will b the same.. i dont know how am i gonna to survive with 2 holes by then..

3 weeks later, see me with the braces... =)

hi april 2011

its my birth month which also mean is time for me to start looking for presentssss.

but this year, its gonna be easy...

i only wish for one thing..

i wish to have dinner with my family in kenny rogers...

been craving for kenny for months...

easy right? but sometimes the easiest may be the most difficult one..

anyway, as usual, may my wish come true...

i love and miss you much..

be the hurt one or be the hurt people one?

doesn't want to be the one been hurt, not necessarily is to be the one who hurt people.. it can work differently by purely loving yourself.. both are selfish but one can be more ethical than others.

why am i saying this because i have a friend who had been hurt badly for few times in relationships.. the lessons that she had learned from all this relationship is "i don't want to be hurt anymore, so let me be the one who hurt people, then people will not have the chance to hurt me.."

for me this is kind of cruel.. i really tak boleh balance from this statement.. how can you choose to hurt people just because you don't want to be hurt? its also really unfair to others who care for you.. do you really feel good by hurting them? making people experience the same pain as you will make you feel good?

i don't understand ah.....

its just a dream

dreams that we made while sleeping will never come true.. only wishes and hopes may have the chances to be true.. dreams work the other way round, they will never be true..

if you dreamt that you won a price in lottery, you will never get one in anytime soon..

if you dreamt of your love one confess his love to you, he will never do..

if you dreamt of the one you love is waiting for your calls, he will never be..

everything is just a dream that will not be true..

dreams are just purely a movie while sleeping..

its just purely incidents that you have been hoping for while you are awake..

its just purely you missing someone too much and end up dreaming of him..

how good if i can dig you out of my mind.. or at least let me dream of you when i do not have feeling towards you.. because all i have for now is only dreams; dreams that work oppositely in reality..

fall for the wrong one..

a fren said its very difficult for me to fall for a guy..

unfortunately, now i fall for the wrong guy.. everyone telling me that he is just trying to be friendly, yes i know and also accepting the truth.. i keep distance with him, im distracting myself from thinking of him, im persuading myself that whatever the god's hint, just follow..

i said its hurt and you may feel its ridiculous cause there's nothing between us, as clear as diamond water, how can it be hurt and how hurt can it be? my answer is super duper hurt..i can feel someone pinching my heart every now and then and i cry no tears.. i knew i need to end this.. wait, there is even no beginning, what to end? but my side already had its own grand opening, picturing that bringing him to meet my families, celebrating events with him, hold his hand, fall into his huggies, everything.. yes yes yes, its really silly to dream about it but dont ever forget i used to live in my own fairy tale.. here comes the punishment for dreaming..

i said its more painful that my previous relationship because there is a relationship to recall but as for this one is purely my one sided hand trying hard to clap.. there is nothing to hope, nothing to recall, nothing to end..

i hate it!!!! and i miss him..

犯贱的自己...

原以为把心里秘密分享会的到解放,

哪知道现在反而越讲越气,

越想越没道理...

但也因为如此反而更想念你.... =(

快乐是选择...

强颜欢笑很难.. 情绪的起伏都因他的回应而波动，实在是令我忐忑不定。

最近常问自己 ：快乐是选择， 那要如何选择快乐呢？

A 男是有感觉的， B 男是朋友...

A 对我没感觉，B 紧追我不放...

A 的一个小动作令我好奇开心，B 的关怀备至令我感到困扰...

同样的，A 的不理不睬令我伤心欲绝，B 的任何过错令我无动于衷...

A 的任何大小事令我情绪不稳，B 的大好大坏小对小错都与我无关...

是该选择一个对自己没影响的人或令自己活得像疯子的人?

是要上天堂的快乐, 下地狱的悲伤或要个straight line graph 的生活?

到底快乐的选择是什么?

理智告诉自己别过于执着, 但小小心灵的一个角落告诉自己真的很想他..

如此的反复不定, 我累了.... 但还是很想念他...