20/2/2010 Sat

sad and scare... study

holiday is over, is time to get back to the real world..
college, lecturer, exam is waiting for me.. i'm scare, i feel like crying right now..
result is out on monday, will the paper get through? i did my best last semester for it, if it fail, im sure will cry and depress..
anything i can do to change current situation? the only solution is....... i know that ] but i cant even say it out, because it will give me a feeling of big stone drop on me and a pinch at heart..


relieve and sad... friend

get to know something that made me really relieve.. the decision that i had made and regretted, now is the best decision i ever made.. but if that point of time i dint made that decision and accept it, something like may not happen and totally change current situation.. haiz, 'if' is something only loser will hope for, i better dont waste so much time on it.. im just feeling sad right now for someone who is so joyful and happy turn to be, not to say jerk but i will feel complicated and 'unhealthy' for him..


time, can u stop ticking? i dowan to go class........

emo emo post

sick make me emo.. super emo.. it makes me feel guilty to skip class.. sick shouldnt be a reason to absent..

im so scared.. usually im a self-centered person, dont really care about what people think about me or not to compare myself with others.. but lately the feeling of inferior started to hit me.. most of my friends are working adults now and yet im still a college student who get stuck in acca.. listen to them that they are really busy making me jealous, i miss my worked life also.. this is so irritating, to make it worse, i got no study mood nor study smart technique. always thinking of my poor english, i feel wanna knock my head to the wall..

this semester i obviously have low confidence in me, a coward who cannot handle stress and struggling myself to accept the truth and keep my brain shut from thinking impossible dream and start to study..

to gain back my confidence, few things i have to do..
-study smart smart n hard hard
-graduate fast fast
-look for a leng leng cai cai bf (haha)
-be more filial and patient with parents

honestly, none of it i can achieve.. =(

fever lo...

how good if there is someone to carry me from living room to bed room, hug me and sings me to sleep while im weak.. add-on one good night kiss.. haha..

argh.. fever d, when is the last time i got fever? lost track d lo.. im feeling dizzy and eyes burning right now.. and im worry that tomorrow my eyes will become mashimaro.. how??

good night.. tomorrow got 8am class, before 7am have to leave house, hopefully im able to do that..

movie season..

it's movie season for me again..

tonnes of movie is awaiting for me to watch them..

• woo hoo
• all well end well
• 72 tenants
• tooth fairy
• the spy next door

ok, maybe not that 'tonnes'..

but why is it so hard to get 4 movie ticket nowadays? wanted to watch woo hoo so woke up this early just to buy the night ticket yet its full (seriously bloody full, no matter is front, back or couple, 720, 945 or 1155).. so sien..

avatar is also full.. =.=" after so long..

anyone want to watch any of the above movie with me? call me.. ^^

空虚落寞感。

在这深夜里，空虚来袭了。

因为我说了违背自己内心的话，欺骗了自己，也欺骗了他。

目的是为了说服我自己 ：这就是我心里所想的，我所要得。

但那感觉好痛哦。

说不出心里所想的，得不到心里所渴望的。

===========================================

最近很常有种感觉，每当一件很令我开心的事情发生后，落寞感就会紧追在后的跟随我。

不舍，它就这样过去了，好希望时间会停留在那一刻。

我明白，往另一方面想，未来会有更多更多的愉快事情会发生，

但内心的落寞的确令我感到难以消化。

i have a dream

Westlife - I have a Dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream


i have a dream.. i think i had talked about this dream with friends and not sure whether i blog about it before or not.. tried to look back all the previous post title and failed to figure out which title it will be under, maybe i haven wrote about it.. hehe..


my dream is be a boss, a boss to a dessert shop.. got this idea when i started to work and got the recipe for honey dew sago.. i love to cook and bake, just hate to wash.. although i love to cook but i seldom step into the kitchen, the most is only maggi or fried egg, once in a blue moon fried rice.. the dream had been out of the mind for sometime cause i cant even handle my own study now, how can i dream of a shop, moreover i dont have any recipe.. really one honey dew sago and one banana pan cake 走江湖?


last sunday my sis bf was talking about open a bakery cause his mom started to bake bread (just for fun, not serious about it), then i said we can do dessert in the bakery also ler.. here start of the dream again.. as my sis is considering to quit her job everything and also been dreaming to become boss also (different as mine, she want to do either bubble tea or pan mee), she asked my mom to buy recipe book and create her own recipe.. seem like she do has the interest to realise my dream.. haha..


i think this is my family gene to dream to be boss, cause my dad hate to work under people, my grandpa also is a boss himself.. the book family like to be boss, risk taker... hahaha.. so this is my dream, to open a bakery + dessert shop, be a boss.. but no matter what the dream is, study and graduate is my responsibility for now, STOP DREAMING..


p/s : i still dream about the shop and finding a sweet name for it.. hehe..

lately

i got nothing to post but i feel like blogging.. haha.. life seems to be quite boring lately, other than class nothing special is going on..

classes and lecturers are stressful as usual but it become double stress when i had p2 class and joyce's class for f9.. she expect student to know everything for whatever she taught, one mistake will end up with a super long loud morale study, so stressss.. i know i may choose to ignore the scolding part or to take that as a song or whatever, but i just hate people to scold, its annoying and kill my confidence and happiness.. got that serious meh?? YES!!!! is that serious for my mental condition right now, i'm mentally weak, i cry easily now..

lately im addicted to jogging or marathon.. one of the proposed way for me to de-stress myself, nothing practical has been done yet for this de-stress plan because something came up on my jogging day last week (a phone call), so not sure whether it will work or anot.. i'm looking forward for my jog on this wednesday and thursday, hopefully this will help me to get a good night sleep.. or to say i dont want oni "a" good night sleep, i want it to be FOREVER..

oh ya, im very 'heaty' also.. left ears is damn pain whenever i try to swallow, even if is my own saliva or air.. YES, throat is connected to the ear.. hopefully it will recover soon too, im mentally too weak to get sick or to take pain.. haha..

another thing that is bothering me is.... my aunty refused to visit me.. faster come la, stomach getting bigger, pimples getting popper, acne getting fatter..

oh ya, im a teacher again, YEY but my cutie student is not there anymore, he changed to other class and i will not have a chance to see him anymore and im really depress about that, i miss him.. =(



that's all for my boring week..

hopefully sooner or later something exciting will happen in my life such as :
- ktv
- bukit broga hike
- trip to kuantan and beach
- good stamina to join marathon
- good result for pt (have to study hard hard to achieve)


p/s : cut my hair short last tuesday.. not to say really nice but i love it short.. ^^